Understanding what it means to use she/her pronouns starts with recognizing that this linguistic choice represents far more than a grammatical preference. For many people, especially transgender women and non-binary individuals, she/her pronouns affirm their identity and reflect the gender they know themselves to be. Using the correct pronouns is a basic form of respect that acknowledges a person’s internal reality and contributes to a more inclusive environment for everyone.
The Connection Between Pronouns and Gender Identity
Gender identity is a deeply personal sense of one’s own gender, which can align with, differ from, or exist outside of the sex assigned at birth. For a trans woman, her identity as a woman is real and inherent, and using she/her pronouns validates this truth. Conversely, referring to someone with he/him or they/them pronouns when they prefer she/her can cause significant distress and invalidate their lived experience. The shift from incorrect to correct pronouns is often a crucial part of a person’s transition, signaling to the world that they are seen and accepted for who they truly are.
She/Her as a Standard Part of Language
She/her pronouns have long been a standard component of the English language, used by cisgender women and girls for centuries. Their adoption for transgender women and some non-binary people follows the natural evolution of language to be more inclusive and accurate. Choosing she/her is not a trend or a political statement but a reflection of an individual’s authentic self. Just as you would not intentionally mispronounce someone’s name, using the correct pronouns is a fundamental aspect of treating people with dignity.
Practical Guidance for Using She/Her Pronouns
Integrating she/her pronouns into your vocabulary requires a conscious shift in practice, especially if you are accustomed to assuming someone’s pronouns based on their appearance. The most effective approach is to normalize the practice of asking and sharing. When you meet someone, consider offering your own pronouns first, as in, “Hi, I’m Alex, and I use she/her pronouns.” This simple action creates a safer space for others to do the same and reduces the likelihood of making harmful assumptions.
Listen carefully when someone shares their pronouns and make a mental note or a visible reminder.
Apologize briefly and correct yourself immediately if you make a mistake, then move forward without making a spectacle.
Avoid asking intrusive questions about a person’s body or medical history to verify their pronoun usage.
Advocate for inclusive practices in your workplace or school, such as adding pronouns to email signatures and name tags.
The Impact of Misgendering and the Power of Inclusion
Consistently using the wrong pronouns for someone, known as misgendering, can have serious negative effects on a person’s mental health, contributing to feelings of alienation, depression, and anxiety. For transgender individuals, misgendering can feel like a denial of their very existence. On the other hand, when someone is consistently referred to with their correct she/her pronouns, it fosters a sense of belonging, safety, and respect. Creating environments where people can use their authentic pronouns without fear is a tangible way to support gender diversity and promote psychological well-being.
While she/her pronouns are associated with women and feminine-presenting people, it is important to recognize that gender is a spectrum. Some people use she/her pronouns alongside other identifiers, and some non-binary individuals may also use she/her along with they/them. The key is to understand that pronoun usage is self-determined. Respecting a person’s chosen pronouns—whether they are she/her, he/him, they/them, or a combination—is an act of acknowledging their self-identity and contributing to a more compassionate and understanding society.
